It is killing me softly, and the mere thought having to stay at a place for too long is driving me nuts. Because the world is so vast to occupy in one life, despite the illusions the modern media gives us, that the world has shrunken into a tiny ball that one could play with his/her hands. The social media, internet, television- everything has kind of demystified the amount of magic hidden in the exotic lands distances afar. And the media has done one more thing too, filling every snippet and bit of news with the bad news happening around, the dangers of visiting other countries, the kind of disasters and battles going on at a place, rating people by depicting how mean they are at a particular region. All the bad news proves wrong only to the traveler who finds the people welcoming and kind, all with the wonderful offerings a place readily provides the curious seeker.
Sometimes I fear of having to live like this, spending most of the time of a day doing something I don’t find any interest in, things that don’t excite me no more but still have to be done somehow. And I live with the illusion again like many others that this is all set for a long time now and there is no radical change we could bring about it. Life becomes all predictable and everything happening around falls into an order of boring routine. And the boredom will eat away your body, mind and even part of your soul. At those times I do remember this quote from the movie Fight Club:
“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.
First, you have to know, not fear, know that someday you are going to die. Until you know that, you have no sense of urgency. You think you have all the time in the world to do amazing things, but you may not live to see that particular someday.”
And I feel it many a times, having to say good-bye to my life doing all the things I have been doing including typing this, and not taking action on the things I always wanted to do. For some people it must be travelling, for some others making films, for some still it will be doing something to win your love, for others it could be as simple as becoming a street guitar player in Europe. It could differ from person to person, but be sure that the time you are wasting right now doing all the other things and ignoring your ultimate calling, the time you waste watching television and browsing the much cluttered internet, the time you waste gazing upon your brand new smart phone screen expecting some genie to pop out and make all your wishes come true – this is the only time you have got here. The only time. And like Tyler Durden says in Fight Club – It’s ending one minute at a time.
So, I am not going to tell you to stop all what you’re doing and jump into the unknown, like impulsive long-term travel for example. That probably won’t work for you, unless of course you have the necessary amount of money as well as courage as well as time to make it all work. But even if you couldn’t work it all out, all you can do from right now is not to forget what you really want to do, and take at the least one single step that will get you closer to what you yearn to do for the rest of your life, before it gets too late. And do not forget that whatever you continue to do, the life will go on anyhow – the dates will pass and New years will arrive every time. And nowadays the time moves faster than ever before thanks to the endless entertainment options we have to spare our time, to waste our only time.
I am tired, tired of having to live the same day again and again, tired of meeting the same boring people with a fake grin pasted on my face (fantastic people too!), tired of seeing the same things over and over again so much that I have started taking it for granted, tired of having no larger sense of purpose to work your ass off.
Likewise the days pass one by one. You count each day and soon the days turn to weeks. Weeks pass one by one and you wonder whether it had reached Wednesday so early, because it was last Wednesday you did something you remember well. Soon you will be counting months, especially during the initial days of the month which is when you get your pay check, your only lifeline. Without paycheck, without salary, you don’t know how you will survive. But still, despite knowing the value of what you receive as your salary, you do spend a lot during the initial days, and wait again for the next month to arrive. Or you browse through the online shopping sites and order for some new product that you never even knew previously existed but somehow feels like crucial for your further existence. And you show off too, doing all the silly magic tricks you can do with this piece of newly acquired beauty. On the other hand, you avoid milk tea and start drinking black tea from street stalls to reduce your expenses. And the cycle goes on and on.
Yesterday I was reading the Tim Ferris book viz. The 4-Hour Work Week, and in it he says something about boredom and happiness which seemed an extremely good point to share:
“Excitement is the more practical synonym for happiness, and it is precisely what you should strive to chase. It’s the cure-all.”
Excitement is something we lose on the day to day life and we should do something right now to bring it back to our lives. The word happiness is more like an enigma, and is wide-range and hard to define. Even something as small as the smile of a child you saw while walking aimlessly through the streets could make you happy. But you can never define and marginalize everything with happiness as your reference point. But excitement is more like a practical synonym, as it is said in the book, and it does cure many a things.
Another thing we are slowly loosing, almost completely, in our lives is our Sense of Wonder. That amazing quality we all had when we were kids, when we built castles on the beaches and houses in the forests, when we played Kings and Queens out of sticks as swords and crowns made out of leaves, when we climbed trees and felt like on the top of the world, when we explored the unexplored and chased the boats that we placed on streams as long as possible to see how far our voyages go.
And we were happy? No, we were more like excited, and there was wonder in each and every moment. We were not completely happy because we were scolded and beaten by the adults, we were controlled by everyone elder than us, we were pushed to study and not to play outside; we were always longing to grow up and become like the adults who controlled our lives. And we grew up, and here we are feeling nostalgic and caught up in the rat race of earning, spending, gossiping, and thousands of other things. The two things that we do miss are simply wonder and excitement. We remain stagnant, unmoving, like our flow had been permanently blocked by an immovable dam made of something unknown, just like the way some of those girls you loved blocked your numbers.
“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
So measure your life either with the amount of boring time you endure or the quantity as well as quality of excitement that paints the walls of your persona with variant colours. If you are too bored and feels like making some drastic change then it’s better to do it now for otherwise chances are that you will get killed. Just like staying at a place for too long kills me every single time, and I try to rise up again to fly away and explore something that offers adventure for the heart and excitement for the soul. Do it before that inner flame of yours extinguishes that you forget its existence in the first place during the long run. Do it before you lie on your death-bed thinking about all the boring time you had been spending on your cubicle of tiny life.
I am thinking too…